Tanith's Lab Notes

June, 2005
I'm sorry I've been gone so long. C.S. Lewis has been a total freakin' pain in the ass. Finally got him Kilmerized and outfitted with a good set of hydraulic pumps and, right off the table, he attacks me. He bit me right on the shoulder with those fearsome mandibles of his before I could reach the cattle prod and he had tossed me through a window before my lazy-ass co-workers even thought of calling for help...

March, 2005
I should never have told Liberace about those Internet file sharing services. Now he's got that perky Christmas parody song on my computer and he plays it over and over and over. Sometimes he even sings along. Well, he tries to, anyway. I'm actually rather proud of how far he's gotten, considering that the speech center of his electronic brain was based on a "Speak 'N Spell" circuit board from the early 80's...

February, 2005
My plan to create the next Superman is well underway! I have obtained the body of George Reeves and he is soaking in Kilmer fluid while I work on the structural supports necessary to animate his highly decomposed flesh. My boss hired some damn consultant because he insists that my technique is too dependent on mechanisms. He's always going on about how thaumaturgical necromancy is so much better than necrohydraulic engineering, but I've never seen one of his unholy monsters on the cover of Scientific American...

January, 2005
Today I finally solved a problem that has been plaguing me for some time: odor. Zombies don't smell good, and they leave chunks behind that smell just as bad. It doesn't help that all the mechanical equipment I've installed generates heat. My first thought was to install those plug-in air freshener things on their backs. It was quickly determined that the smell of rotting flesh and jasmine is not much better than the smell of rotting flesh...